Be Kind... Follow Christ.

I blew it today.  And for the past few days that are weeks that are months.  I read a quote today that said "Say yes as much as you can to your children..."  I forget the last half of the quote but it struck me because I feel like I say "No" a lot.  Sometimes it's legit, like when my sweetie is trying something that is dangerous to herself or someone else.  But sometimes it's because what she's doing might make a mess or make more work for me.

Tonight, as I was tucking her in (after an I'm-overtired-meltdown), she said that I never think of her... I only think of... she trailed off and didn't finish.  But I could finish it for her - I only think of myself.  That is not entirely true, but there is enough selfishness in me to know that it is partly true.  I often think (and sometimes say) that if she would just listen to what we say, life would be a lot smoother for her... and me.

Did I mention that she was overtired?  Take everything said with a grain of salt - she was really sad that she would never be as old as her friend whose birthday is in May.  It's true.  She won't be.  Ever.  And that's okay.  But tonight, it was the end of the world.

I try so hard to do it all right.  But what I really need to do it with grace.  Say yes as much as possible.*  Laugh more. Play outside more together... it's probably a matter of months before I will be banished to the house because she'll want to play with her friends.

Puddle jumping on our way out of the house to go somewhere is inconvenient, but it's not the end of the world.

Being a few minutes late for a get together with friends or family is okay if it means that we all leave the house happy.

Floors can be swept and washed.  Windows can be windexed.  Dishes can wait.  Bedtime routines do not need to be polished, as long as they work.

What I have now is time with my daughter.  Time to speak truth into her heart, to whisper the important stuff.  I don't want her to go to bed feeling like she's failed yet another day to meet her Mother's expectations.  Truth is, she exceeds my expectations all the time, reminding me to keep the bar high but forgive greatly.  I need to remember that she may do something today without any trouble, but tomorrow it might be hard again.  That's a part of learning.

And now, to...

Be Kind.

Speak Truth.

Love Others.

Show Grace.

Work Hard.

Be Grateful.

Follow Christ.

That's what I need to do.  The rest will take care of itself.

* By saying Yes, I do not mean giving her everything she asks for.  I'm one of the few parents out there who does not think that my kid needs to have something because "everyone else" has it.  Materialism is a horrible distraction from the Truth that is so important.  By saying Yes, I DO mean that we might take an extra loop around the block on our bikes, stop for an icecream on a hot day, have an extra story at bedtime... you know, those things that make quality time and let her know that her desires are important to me... and that she is important to me.

Five-Minute Friday - REST

I'm just getting the hang of this Five-Minute Friday thing, and am liking it... I missed last week because I was late to write, but this week I say hey, it's still Friday!  And since Lisa-Jo extends such warm grace to working moms, I thought that this would be totally fine. 

I found her website a while ago and have been blessed by her honesty and heartfeltness for quite some time now.  Finally mustering up the courage to join in the Five-Minute Friday write-fest, here I am!  For the second time!  You can find Lisa-Jo at http://lisajobaker.com/.  I encourage you to check her out if you haven't already!  

So, here’s the challenge, should you accept it: you write for 5 minutes with freedom like you have no fear or shame.  And then you have to be brave (or at least pretend to be) and link up to her blog. Encouraging the writer who links up before you is part of the deal, too.  This last rule is crucial, as we all need to encourage others. Why encourage another writer? Because at one point or another in our lives, we all need encouraging too.
Each week is a new word, a new thought starter, and you have 5 minutes to write….and are you ready?

This week's word is REST
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On the seventh day God rested. 
The other six days were incredibly busy, busier than you or I will ever know.  Whether literal or figurative, God was busy.  Rest was good.

And today, rest is good.  We need it, we crave it, we need it.

Time change nearly a week ago, and I'm still tired.  Every evening thinking this might be the one where I get more rest.  But it doesn't happen.

So tired.

Work. Meals. Cleaning. Laundry. Cuddles with my girl. Connecting with my hubby.  Phone calls to make. Taxes to get ready. Always. Something. To. Do.

God says, "Rest".

 It is time to slow down.  Breathe.  Meditate and think on what is Good.  What is God. 

Thank you God for the weekend!  And that it isn't totally full of busy-ness, that I might find rest.  And even in quiet of my home (if there should come such a moment), I pray that you would quiet my heart to find the rest that you offer. 

Rest.

And on that note, I think it's time for bed!

stop.

The Shack

My hands absent-mindedly rest on my hollow belly.  Remembering loss, yearning for answers, and reaching for hope.  I look out the window from this little nest I've created to see two birds sitting on the ledge of our deck.  They are happy.  I learned yesterday that they've made themselves at home in our shed.  My eyes are drawn to the sky, the deep blue sky of a soon-to-be-spring day.  Our kitchen turned sunroom is where I'm soaking my soul in the sun... in the Son.

Heaven.

Can I see heaven?  I'm not sure why we look up, but we do... when we want to see heaven.  Yesterday we sent a message of love to heaven, to Mia.  And today I wonder if she got it.  Does she know she was wished for?  Does she know she was longed for?  Does she know that she is loved?

I decided to make this a day of reading.  I'm reading The Shack.  A book I started reading a couple years ago, when Raihana was just young.  I stopped at page 55, just after the little girl is abducted.  My heart left in that place of despair, of a parent losing a child.  It was too close for comfort.  What if that happened to our baby-girl?  I couldn't stand to imagine.  So, I did what we all do as humans, I put the doubts and fear back on the shelf.  Literally.

I knew now was the time to read it though.  I've come to terms with the knowledge that bad things do happen to good people.  And, more importantly, we really are not in control... even when we think we are.  There was nothing I could have done differently to prevent this miscarriage or the one before.  There is nothing that I can do to guarantee that Raihana will stay safe from harm.  Of course, as a parent, I take every reasonable step to try to ensure that she stays safe... but at the end of the day, I can do all things right and something bad could still happen.

That might sound a bit fatalistic.  But it's not.  It's surrender.  Surrender to the One I know cares about Raihana even more than I do.  He cares for Malaika and Mia even more than me.  I surrender to Him.

I want to finish this book today.  So I'm not going to stay here long, but I just had to share of my courageous moment... when I picked up a book that I knew would be hard to read, knowing that the story that unfolds is one of hope, of healing, of redemption and of a God whom I know cares deeply for me.  For me. He loves me and cries with me through these moments of pain.  He knows what it is like to lose a child.  He knows.

He knows.

Five-Minute Friday: Ordinary

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Have you ever found that when you set foot into a hospital, you sort of leave the ordinary of life behind.  Life, birth, pain, sickness... these all come to the forefront while in the hospital and everything else fades.

I was there last week because I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks.  My world was tumbling all over the place and yet, when I left those four walls, no one seemed to care.  The man jaywalking in front of my car.  The lady pushing her stroller down the sidewalk. The city worker clearing snow.  Everyone just carried on... ordinary. 

I remember the day we brought our dear daughter home from the hospital.  I stood in the elevator holding this bundle of joy and suddenly realized that while I had spent the past few days labouring, delivering, and getting to know this sweet girl, the world outside was oblivious.  Not a care.

It makes me think... when I'm living my ordinary life, outside of crisis and change, do I notice those around me who are whirling and twirling in that place of unrest?  I want to.  Lord, please open my eyes to see... those who are outside of ordinary.

STOP